Moms – do you feel you are good enough? As wives, mothers, women, and human beings on this Earth, we are not born with a full set of instructions. We do not know the right way to do everything from the outset of our life, and we shouldn’t expect more from ourselves than to do the best with what we are given. The only way any of us learn how to be a mother, a wife, or just a person making their way in the world, is to live.
Some women are lucky enough to be taught all the necessary life skills from their parents. If I dare to ask all the readers to chime in on that point, I’m going to guess that most of us weren’t in that lucky small group!
Many of us mothers have to learn how to be a homemaker, parent and a wife from reading books, reading magazines, watching other people, and gaining our own experience that only comes with time.
It gave me great pain to hear the voice of “every woman” and “every mother” coming out through fellow blogger GrudgeMom today. Here is a snippet of what I read:
“Am I a good enough mom, parent, wife? I’m constantly wondering and in my mind, I’m not. You know when you were a JR in (highschool) and think the SRs are so smart and cool? That’s how I feel about some moms. I read what these moms have to say, and I feel like I can’t even begin to approach the league they are in. I feel like I am playing pretend at being a parent when you put me beside one of them. They just know everything, and I can’t hope to have the knowledge even after 50 years of being a mother.”
-Read the rest of Never Good Enough
I feel sad that anyone should ever have to feel this way! This is not the first blog post I’ve come across voicing these same painful concerns of women doubting their own worthiness to be mothers and wives. If you read the rest of GrudgeMom’s article, you’ll find her concerns also about being a new mom with relatives that don’t support her parenting choices.
You ARE a good enough parent.
One good thing about being a parent is that our kids know even less than we do! They don’t know if we’re doing anything wrong, or if there’s a better or more efficient way to do something. They only know that we are there for them, take care of them, and make everything okay. We are their heroes and their role models, their monster-in-the-closet checkers and their boo-boo kissers.
Having family members that constantly criticize your parenting methods or family choices does not help when you’re already struggling to adjust to your new role in life (as someone’s partner and someone’s parent). We can NOT control what our extended families do, say, or think about us. All we can do is realize that what they think is not our problem.
You and your husband are the ones that shape your family life. You two make decisions together and learn together as you go along.
It’s okay to ask others for advice when you want information. As my friend Crystal Paine says, you can always turn to godly older women for advice on parenting and life. This isn’t because they are better than us younger ladies, or smarter, or cooler, but because they learned in exactly the same way WE will learn – by years of experiencing it for themselves!
Keep in mind that when family members (even in-laws) are criticizing your parenting, they probably feel like they’re being helpful and that their way is the best way. However, they’re really showing disrespect to both you and your husband, essentially saying that they don’t feel he can make good decisions for your family. This simply isn’t true. As a father, husband, and the head of your house, he has to learn as he goes along too.
You ARE good enough.
It’s normal to have questioning feelings every once in a while, but don’t let them stick around. Fill your brain with these positive statements enough times that you start to believe them:
- I am a good parent who is learning more every day.
- I am a loving wife who is married to a wonderful man.
- My husband and I make good decisions for our family.
- My children love me and I love them.
- I am the best parent I can be.
- What I think and say is important.
- I am good enough!
This article is linked to more mom tips at Works for Me Wednesday.