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Kids Birthday Parties – Are They Out of Control?
By
Danelle Ice - Home Ever After |
June 10th, 2009 |
Category:
Birthdays |
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Once thought of as fun get togethers for a few friends, kids’ birthday parties were a fun informal occurrence that took little money and even less planning. In our times, however, kids birthday parties have become a phenomenon to behold: expensive, stressful and competitive. Many parents think kids’ birthday parties now are out of control. Although the social norms in the United States have changed with regard to kids’ birthday parties, it is possible to simplify your approach in order to keep the fun while eliminating the stress.
The “I Thought it Was Just Me!” Syndrome
Have you been fed up with the number of birthday parties your children are attending or overwhelmed with the work that goes into throwing a birthday party for your own child? Chances are, you answered yes to that question. Chances are even greater that although you feel the pressure, you haven’t done anything to alleviate it.
You’re not alone! If you haven’t done anything to change the situation, it may be because you’re suffering from the “I thought it was just me!” syndrome. In our busy lives, it can be difficult to see that the stresses we deal with are the same issues affecting other people. “Just dealing with” social stresses is a common method of handling them. These pressures may be widespread, but that doesn’t mean they are necessary. After all, birthday parties didn’t used to be such elaborate affairs.
Kids Birthday Parties Circa 1984
Let’s rewind about a quarter of a century; what were birthday parties like in 1984? Watch this video for a little trip down memory lane:
If you’re about my age (early 30s) you probably remember having a birthday party about like the one in the video above. Parties are now thought of as “events” complete with themes, favors, goodie bags, staged games, costumes and coordinated activities. Parties put unnecessary burdens (time, financial) on parents. Does the following quote sound familiar?
“I do need to drag the crew to WalMart for yet another birthday present. Gosh I am sick of birthday parties. Did you ever go to so many parties when you were a kid? I know I didn’t. I have had to budget practically another utility-sized payment just for gifts. It does keep the kids occupied and happy for about 2 hours, so I guess that is a small price to pay.”
-Lorie Kerns, mother
Problems identified from the above quote:
- Extra shopping trips to buy birthday presents
- Tired of going to so many parties
- Expensive to buy so many birthday presents
Simplifying kids birthday parties and focusing more on the fun and less on the “requirements” of throwing a “perfect party” are key! Don’t get caught up in the hype and the parent guilt that if you don’t go all out and have matching napkins and plates it will mean you’re a bad parent!
We love ways to frugalize and simplify. Please tell us in the comments: how do you keep your kids’ birthday parties simple? Do you have family rules for party attendance or gift giving budgets? Let us know!
What a timely post! Last weekend my son had 2 birthday parties to attend, and his own party is this weekend. One party was elaborate – the local skating rink was rented for 2 hours, game tokens were given, and goodie bags handed out. The other party was at the child’s house and included some outside free play, and some inside directed games. Also elaborate goodie bags were sent home. My son had a blast at both parties.
I like to try to attend the parties he’s invited to, but I do set a limit of $7 per gift, with more being spent on children with whom we have special relationships. Sale shopping and coupons help me get better gifts for even less money!
He is turning 8 in a few days and I couldn’t be prouder of him. He wants a bike riding party at a local “bike park” with all his friends. He asked for a pinata. That’s it. The loot from the pinata will be what the kids take home. I personally hate goodie bags. They just clutter up the house, and the junky items don”t get played with. I’m designing (with chalk and 2 liter soda bottles filled with water to weight them down) a bike rodeo for the kids to enjoy. I’m offering cupcakes and juice. No themed napkins or plates – just what I have in the house. I’ll probably buy some balloons and tie them to a tree branch.
This party is all he has been talking about! He is so excited, and so am I! No way do parties have to be elaborate and expensive for the kids to have a good time and for them to be memorable! We did this exact same party last year, too! The fact that he wants to do it again points to it’s huge success!
I have to admit that I didn’t keep my little one’s birthday party simple. Since it was her first, I caved into the huge party syndrome and had one party at a play place for little friends and another party at my parents’ for both families. It was a royal headache, and I know I won’t do it again for the 2nd!
But even at 1 year, we have had more friends’ birthday parties than I can count and those gifts really add up!
Thanks so much for posting this. I have thought kids’ birthday parties are crazy for quite a while now. I have decided to not have them for my kids and to excuse ourselves from other kids’ parties because of what you have mentioned. I’m so glad that someone is finally addressing this issue. Maybe if we can get back to simplicity- everyone can have fun again!
@MainelyMom: What a wonderful story! I can relate with the elaborate parties, and it’s especially difficult when your kids’ friends have these expensive huge “event” parties to try to explain to your kids why a fun party doesn’t have to be exactly like that. It sounds like you’ve kept it simple and fun, while focusing on the important part (the fun) and not the other stuff that doesn’t matter anyway. An outdoor party where the kids get exercise, play together, and enjoy the day sounds wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing!
Barbi (Danelle)
@Bay: A lot of people will do big parties only at certain milestone ages (like 1st year), or every other year, or every 3 years, to help keep it interesting. Big parties aren’t necessarily bad, and if you enjoy putting it on, then you should! It’s just that when it becomes an obligation and your kids expect a $200 party for 40 friends that you wonder how things went so wrong!
We dealt with this with my own daughter, and it was much harder to scale it down after she got to expect an “event” and not just a simple get-together with family/friends. Thanks for letting us know about your party experience!
Barbi
Great post Danelle! Kids birthday parties these days are so much more elaborate then in my youth…and I’m a bit older than you! I remember having family and just a few friends over, BBQing (bday is in July), a homemade birthday cake, a few presents and relaxing. We used to take our kids to places like Pump It Up for their birthdays, but the cost is just too much now. We just celebrated my son’s 11th birthday and we let him invite 3 friends for a sleepover and then we took them to an early morning movie at AMC theatres for $5 each. We brought goodie bags to the movie theatre that had just a few snacks & a juice pack. All the boys had a great time and it cost pennies on the dollar compared to previous years.
We’ve always had really lo-tech parties. My most memorable party was when I was 12 and my whole class came to my party. We had a pinata and we just hung out and had fun. It wasn’t scheduled….and I dont’ even think that all my friends brought gifts – and I know we didn’t have treat bags.
I definitely think kids parties are out of control! We don’t do kid parties every year, and when we do, we limit the number of people invited and count the party as the child’s main birthday gift. If they have something else in mind for a big gift, they can choose not to have a big party. We always have family over, but we just have a cake (that I make) and ice cream,
Last year my dd wanted a kid party, and she did all the planning and prep work herself. I gave her a budget and bought supplies. She made decorations, planned games, even planned the cake she wanted me to make. It was inexpensive, and it was the most fun she’s had! She got so many compliments on her party planning, and I loved it because it was easy for me.
We used to do the giant-headache-birthday-party-tantrum-throwing-overwhelming-shin-dig thing too. Then we decided to schedule an overnight family getaway instead. Hubby schedules a bit of his vacation time and we drive a few hours in any direction, stay at a hotel with a pool, and RELAX!! It is refreshing for everyone, and the kids think they are in 7th heaven. It serves us ALL well to get away even for an overnighter at a simple hotel and order pizza.
Well I personally believe you dont have to spend a lot of money to make your kids birthday a blast but I do think it should be a big event for them. I only have one child. I do work outside the home so I am not as frugal with money at this point. My son is 4 years old. I would say his best party yet was the one I did for 4th birthday. I rented the community center down the street from me which was free you put $50 deposit and get it back when you return the key and clean up. I made most of his decoration – Mickey Mouse party so I googled Mickey and Friends coloring pages and colored them. I purchase a few poster boards and wrote on them HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIJAH. I purchased a lot of his supplies at the dollar tree like treat bag things, solid napkins & plates, etc. Instead of puchasing already blown up balloons….I got one of the tanks that comes with about 30 balloons and did them myself using christmas curl ribbon I had in my stock of present supplies. I used different solid color plastic table clothes from years past I had saved. I used crepe paper that was not finished off in past birthdays….so I keep a birthday supply box and end up just adding a little more stuff to make it great. I made it Mickey by using his stuffed animals and toys he had already. A friend of mine made his cake. It was great!
This year he wants a pirate birthday party. So I am thinking of games to play like a treasure hunt, using necklaces and coins I get from Mardi Gras and St Patrick Parades each year. I am buying fabric to make red sashes. and the Dollar Tree has cut pirate eye patches and treat bag toys. I try and buy my stuff through the year to save on having to dish it out at one time. It really helps. I plan on making his cake myself just a sheet cake and buying a pirate boat or pirate toys to put on it and I know how to write on a cake with icing. Doing a lot of the stuff by being creative is the thing I do.
@Audra: What a great idea to keep a birthday supplies box and add leftovers to it. I love that tip!
Danelle