Moms – do you feel you are good enough?  As wives, mothers, women, and human beings on this Earth, we are not born with a full set of instructions.  We do not know the right way to do everything from the outset of our life, and we shouldn’t expect more from ourselves than to do the best with what we are given.  The only way any of us learn how to be a mother, a wife, or just a person making their way in the world, is to live. 

Some women are lucky enough to be taught all the necessary life skills from their parents.  If I dare to ask all the readers to chime in on that point, I’m going to guess that most of us weren’t in that lucky small group! 

Many of us mothers have to learn how to be a homemaker, parent and a wife from reading books, reading magazines, watching other people, and gaining our own experience that only comes with time.

It gave me great pain to hear the voice of “every woman” and “every mother” coming out through fellow blogger GrudgeMom today.  Here is a snippet of what I read:

“Am I a good enough mom, parent, wife? I’m constantly wondering and in my mind, I’m not.  You know when you were a JR in (highschool) and think the SRs are so smart and cool? That’s how I feel about some moms. I read what these moms have to say, and I feel like I can’t even begin to approach the league they are in.  I feel like I am playing pretend at being a parent when you put me beside one of them. They just know everything, and I can’t hope to have the knowledge even after 50 years of being a mother.”

-Read the rest of Never Good Enough

I feel sad that anyone should ever have to feel this way!  This is not the first blog post I’ve come across voicing these same painful concerns of women doubting their own worthiness to be mothers and wives.  If you read the rest of GrudgeMom’s article, you’ll find her concerns also about being a new mom with relatives that don’t support her parenting choices.  

One good thing about being a parent is that our kids know even less than we do!  They don’t know if we’re doing anything wrong, or if there’s a better or more efficient way to do something.  They only know that we are there for them, take care of them, and make everything okay.  We are their heroes and their role models, their monster-in-the-closet checkers and their boo-boo kissers. 

Having family members that constantly criticize your parenting methods or family choices does not help when you’re already struggling to adjust to your new role in life (as someone’s partner and someone’s parent).  We can NOT control what our extended families do, say, or think about us.  All we can do is realize that what they think is not our problem.

You and your husband are the ones that shape your family life.  You two make decisions together and learn together as you go along. 

It’s okay to ask others for advice when you want information.  As my friend Crystal Paine says, you can always turn to godly older women for advice on parenting and life.  This isn’t because they are better than us younger ladies, or smarter, or cooler, but because they learned in exactly the same way WE will learn – by years of experiencing it for themselves!

Keep in mind that when family members (even in-laws) are criticizing your parenting, they probably feel like they’re being helpful and that their way is the best way.  However, they’re really showing disrespect to both you and your husband, essentially saying that they don’t feel he can make good decisions for your family.  This simply isn’t true.  As a father, husband, and the head of your house, he has to learn as he goes along too. 

It’s normal to have questioning feelings every once in a while, but don’t let them stick around.  Fill your brain with these positive statements enough times that you start to believe them:

• I am a good parent who is learning more every day.
• I am a loving wife who is married to a wonderful man.
• My husband and I make good decisions for our family.
• My children love me and I love them.
• I am the best parent I can be.
• What I think and say is important.
• I am good enough!

Moms – You ARE Good Enough is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.

Life Tips for Women from Mary Kay Ash has great advice every week for moms, working moms, single moms, married women, and more. The book I’m quoting from is called Mary Kay by Mary Kay Ash, the founder of the legendary cosmetics company.  You can read more about the Life Tips for Women from Mary Kay Ash series.

Plan Your Days & Make Each One Count

“Have you ever had one of those Saturdays  when you got up in the morning and didn’t have a single thing planned for the day?  You drift from one thing to another, and by the end of the day you realize that you haven’t accomplished a thing.  You feel empty and depressed and frustrated; you’ve wasted a day you’ll never get a a chance to relive. 

Well, just as you drifted through an entire day, some people drift through a week, a month, a year – and even a lifetime.”

                                       -Mary Kay, p. 93

Can you relate? I certainly can.  How frustrating to feel like we trudge through our days and look back only to realize that we haven’t accomplished anything.  Even worse- do you feel like you didn’t accomplish anything that mattered? 

Make Your Top Priorities of the Day List

First thing in the morning, I find that making a list of your few most important things to do for the day can keep this from happening.  This list is like your map for the day, and no matter how many unexpected things pop up at the last minute, you can find a way to get your 3 or 4 items done and checked off.

The top priorities list isn’t only about productivity; it’s about accomplishment.  Looking at this list at the end of the day, you can see how you spent your time and feel good about doing what you set out to do. 

Keep the top priorities list short and sweet, and make sure that there aren’t only mundane tasks on the list.

Projects That Matter to Your Life

How many days do you spend any time working on a project that matters to your life?  Dishes and cooking may be everyday necessities, but are these tasks that change and shape the overall course of your life?  Probably not. 

Identify a project right now that is important to you and matters to the bigger picture in your life.  Are you an aspiring author? If so, add a task each day to spend just 10 minutes writing.  Are you a scrapbook lover who longs to preserve your family memories, but never has time to do the huge project of sorting all your photos from the last decade?  Start small and add a task to your priorities list to do one small part of your memory book each day.  Spend 10 short minutes printing out pictures from this week, or find a template to create 1 page for photos from yesterday. 

These small tasks don’t seem like much work and won’t take much time from your day, but planning your days with projects that matter to your life will make a huge difference to your life’s path in the big picture.

Love Your Life Challenge:  

• Identify a project that matters to your life.  Big or small, only choose one project to focus on for now.
• Find a small task you can do several times a week to work on this project.  10 minutes, 1 page, 1 chapter… however it is measured, start small.
• When you look back on your week, appreciate the time you planned and accomplished, and look at how it will change your life over time, week by week.
• Let us know in the comments below if you’re taking this challenge, and what your project is. 

Subscribe to our free updates now so that you don’t miss Life Tips from Mary Kay Ash next week!

For more Works for Me Wednesday, visit We are That Family and Homemaker Mondays.

Life Tips from Mary Kay: Plan Your Days and Make Each One Count is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.

You might like these articles too:

1. Introducing Life Tips for Women From Mary Kay Ash
2. Housekeeping Tips from Mary Kay: Clean One Room at a Time

Life Tips for Women from Mary Kay Ash

I read a very profound book when I was just a teenager that formed my thoughts on most of my business practices today.  It’s called Mary Kay by Mary Kay Ash, the founder of the legendary cosmetics company. 

Our new series is called Life Tips for Women from Mary Kay Ash, and will be a weekly ongoing series with great advice for moms, working moms, single moms, married women, you name it.

Throughout my adult life and my career, Mary Kay has been an inspiration to me because of her fierce determination, commitment to putting her family before work, and still being a successful leader who helped women the world over to change their lives for the better.  She’s in my top 5 list of mentors for my life, and has helped shape many of the policies at IS World Media.

Although Mary Kay Ash has written many books, this is the one which has stuck with me, which I’ve read over and over, which has upwards of 100 sticky notes hanging off the edges of the pages!  She built her company out of the sheer desire to give women homemakers the opportunities that didn’t exist in society at that time.  Her ideals of putting God and family first were sometimes laughed at by the business world, but developed into one of the most financially successful companies in the world (run by Mary Kay and her 2 sons!).

Her insights towards life as a mom – a working mom at that – and a single mom can teach us all a little something about how to make the little improvements in our own lives that will really bring us more time for our families, more victories, and more power to be able to accomplish our dreams.

I’m starting a new series here at Home Ever After to showcase some of the best points from Mary Kay’s 1981 book, which is just as helpful today as it was then.    Since it’s an old book, Mary Kay by Mary Kay Ash is available at Amazon for only a few dollars.  You can probably even find it at a bookstore in your town for the list price of $3.95!  If you’ll take my word on this book’s importance in my life, and if you’d like to follow along with this series by reading the book first, I strongly recommend that you spend the $4 and buy this book.

Introducing Life Tips for Women From Mary Kay Ash is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.

You might like these articles too:

1. Life Tips from Mary Kay: Plan Your Days and Make Each One Count
2. Housekeeping Tips from Mary Kay: Clean One Room at a Time
3. Christian Homeschool – Young Women of Faith Lily Books (Complete List)

Mom, do you make time for yourself?  Once you have become a mom, it’s difficult to find mom time to do non-child-related activities. We all get busy with the challenges of motherhood while managing household chores.

Finding time for mom is challenging, but with good time management tactics you will be able to manage it. We all need some mommy time away from the kids to do grown-up activities, relax and recharge.  Here are some tips to find time for mom.

6 Ways to Make Time for Mom

1.  Use the baby naptime effectively: Baby’s naptime is the perfect time to spend time your way. If you like reading, writing or painting, this is a good time to pick up a book or brush without having your baby in one arm. Try to avoid using this time to cleaning up the house or do other chores. You can enjoy a bubble bath or shower during this time or even take a short nap.

2.  Have a different sleeping time than your baby: If your baby sleeps until late mornings, then make it a habit to wake up early. You get more time for yourself and also for your spouse. If you baby sleeps early in the evenings, you can be awake until later to enjoy some parents-only time.

3.  Plan your grocery shopping to save time: Plan your grocery shopping well. Make a list of needed items for at least one week and purchase them all in one visit to the grocery store. This way you will not have to worry about having things for your cooking and household chores and will save you the time which you can have for yourself.

4.  Hunt for child-friendly shops: Many stores now offer supervised playrooms for children while you go about your shopping, ticking off items on your shopping list. You will love this concept so much that you will look for opportunities to visit such stores! Your child is in safe hands while you enjoy your shopping time, looking for great deals.

5.  Team up with other moms: You are not the only one who has to face these challenges of motherhood. Team up with other moms, plan outings together, and share the responsibility of the children while you find mommy time for all of you! You can pick dates for each of you to look after the children, while the others get time off to spend doing whatever they like.

6.  Try multitasking:  Try multitasking to finish your scheduled work faster and get the free time to yourself. Once your baby has an established feeding routine, you can read a book or prepare your grocery list while feeding. If you have started feeding your baby with baby food, then complete the cooking for the baby and the rest of the family together.

You can also mix childcare and mommy time at the same time: take your baby out for a walk in the pram or stroller, while listening to an audio book on your iPod or MP3 player. You get your exercise and listen to something non-Sesame Street-related in the process!

Spending time with your baby is surely a pleasant part of motherhood, but it is also important to spend some time relaxing and de-stressing yourself from time to time.  For those unavoidable tired mom mornings, read our article Don’t Look Like a Tired Mom: 13 Quick Mini Makeovers.

How do you make mommy time, and what activities do you do during your mom time?  Do you exercise, have a cup of coffee, or read blogs?   Let us know in the comments below!  Photo by Flickr’s eme06.

Mom Time – 6 Ways to Make Time For Yourself is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.

My birthday is tomorrow, and I usually look through my old, unpublished writing around my birthdays.  I don’t know why, something to do with looking backward to evaluate and planning for the future.  During my browsing, I found an OLD essay I wrote while pregnant about some very strong feelings I was having.  The essay below was a way I used to try to sort out my feelings on paper, and boy, am I glad I did!

I didn’t even remember it, but this essay was the #1 reason I started Home Ever After, which is now in the Alexa top 1.58 % of all websites.  In the WORLD.  Do I say this because I’m bragging, or because I think I’m so great?  NO! I’m telling you this because if I can do it, SO CAN YOU! 

I wanted to parent my children, be a good wife, be a happy homemaker, be at home, have a fulfilling career and help other people.  In short – I wanted it ALL…  If one little wife and mother could feel lost in the world, start from scratch with nothing, and make such a complete turnaround, there is no reason on earth that you can’t accomplish anything you want tomorrow. 

Looking For a Real Job: A Professional Homemaker’s Essay From the Past

“A long day of jury duty (which happened to fall on the same day as my first day of work at a new job) has come to a close. I made it to the new job for the remaining 2 hours of the workday, only to revel in my wonderful new work surroundings: a poorly heated warehouse with a little room at the back called the “office”, a 10-year-old computer that hadn’t been updated in eons and had been out of virus protection since who knows when, and a bathroom with a brown toilet (the inside, not the outside) that reeked of cigarette smoke and sewage. Oh, and I’m pregnant. When I got in my car to head home, I said aloud to myself, “It’s only for 7 months.” That’s a bad sign on the first day of a job.

So now here I sit, at home, contemplating the dinner I was supposed to take out of the freezer at 8:00 this morning (but forgot to), trying to think of a backup plan before my husband gets home.

So my thoughts right now are not focused on how terrible tomorrow (or the next 7 months) will be. No, and they’re not even focused on finding a different, better job to take this one’s place until it’s time to have the baby. Actually, my thought process is very bizarre right now… it sounds something like: All jobs are bad, working for someone else is bad, why would I want to find another job that maybe isn’t as bad but has its own drawbacks that make it a completely unappealing way of life? I want to do something significant so that I don’t have to work at a job outside the home. Why haven’t I figured out what that is by now? I no longer have a career, have no niche that I fit into in the vast workplace sea. And a scarier secret still: I don’t want one. I don’t want a career. I don’t want that at all. Working feels as foreign to me as speaking a language that I don’t even understand.

What is wrong with being a homemaker? What is wrong with being a wife and a mother? Why is there so much pressure to work when you’re pregnant and to return to work after your baby is born? Why is there this unspoken culture of guilt that says you’re not a feminist or a liberated woman if you actually WANT to stay at home?

Of course I know this suggestion is out of the question. We’re a 2-income house with 2-income debts and a baby on the way. Me not working is not an option. So how can I make my self-worth and self-efficacy stand up through daily activities that make me feel demeaned, worthless, and completely uncomfortable? If it’s right for so many other people, there must just be something wrong with me, right? I cannot reconcile the difference between society’s expectations and the rotten, sinking feeling that I am living someone else’s life and will never fit in. And I don’t know how to fix it.”

                                     – OLD, old essay written by Danelle Ice

It’s hard for me to even read that essay now, because I obviously found the answer! I did NOT get another job! I did not go back to my old career.  I focused on my family, I started my own companies, and Home Ever After would never have been started if not for this process.  But what pain I was feeling!  I was in despair.  I wish now that I had had someone to tell me then what I am telling you now.

I really thought that what I wanted deep down – to be a mother and a professional homemaker- was not good enough, not right, or not possible.  It took me being brutally honest with myself, and making tough decisions, to move past my feeling of helplessness and decide what was best for my family. 

I suppose the moral of the story (at least the moral I’ve taken away from it) is this:  Do not let other people make decisions for you.  You’ve got to decide what is right for you, based on how you feel, based on what you and your spouse want out of life.

I am now one of the most influential women on Twitter, with one of the most successful websites in the entire world.   All because I decided not to do what the magazines said, what friends said, what parenting book authors said.  I did what my husband and I felt was right for us – to put our families first, to create an empire that could help people improve their lives along with us.  I’m not bragging and I’m not telling you this because I want you to think I’m wonderful! I’m telling you this because I am building this empire for every other woman out there who was feeling just like me. And I want to help you in any way I can.  Are you willing to act on your beliefs – whether they’re to stay home or go to work or become a painter or live your dream?  Are you willing to believe that what you really want is good enough? Because it is. 

For more Works for Me Wednesday, visit We are That Family.

Looking For a Real Job: A Professional Homemaker’s Essay From the Past is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.

Thank You!

Introducing the 3 Minute Thank You

Today is an exciting day, because the 3 Minute Thank You has just been created!  What is it, you ask?  The 3 Minute Thank You is simply a way to be purposefully thankful each day.  Think of it like writing a thank you card, but not necessarily to any person.  Dedicate a few minutes at the start of your day to think of all the things you are grateful for, then let the world know.  Everyone is busy, I know, but 3 minutes is such a small amount of time.  Everyone can find 3 little minutes in their schedule – make the time!

Starting today, almost every morning I’ll be on Twitter as soon as I turn on my computer.  I’m going to spend 3 minutes (maybe more, maybe less) twittering about the people and things I’m thankful for.  You’re welcome to join me! —>

How You Can Participate in the 3 Minute Thank You:

1. Choose your method: write it in your journal, tell your baby, write it on twitter, write a blog post, telephone someone, whichever way is right for you.
2. What: list the things and people you are thankful for today, right this moment.  It can even be ideas or emotions, such as love, or actions, such as giving.
3. Find 3 minutes (or longer if you want).  At the beginning of your day, take at least 3 minutes to write out (or tell someone) all of your thank yous.
4. Give details, or not.  You can list them, describe them, speak directly about a person’s virtues, etc.  You decide how to give your thank yous.
5. If you like your experience participating in the 3 Minute Thank You Card, do it again tomorrow.
6. If you still like it, do it every day.
7. If you feel good from doing 3 Minute Thank You, tell your friends and loved ones about it!

Why Being Thankful is Important

Being thankful is the cornerstone of receiving abundance.  We can’t ever expect more to be given to us in any area, whether it’s love, money, happiness, or something else, if we don’t already appreciate what we have.  Right?

How many times does it occur that someone dies and then everyone is talking about how great their life was?  We see newspaper articles and blog posts and magazine articles and news headlines outlining the deceased person’s great accomplishments, giving spirit, helpfulness to others, and impact on the world.  Too bad all this wonderful feedback occurs after the person is no longer with us!

Let’s all make an effort, starting today, to make sure people know how much we appreciate them.  Be thankful for what you have, if not all day long, at least during your 3 Minute Thank You!  Won’t you join me on twitter?

If you’re doing blog posts or tweets for your 3 Minute Thank You, please leave me a comment or email with the link.  I’m always listening, so let me know if I can help you with anything.  After all, I am thankful for every one of you!  You make Home Ever After possible, and allow me to help people in 110 different countries.  That is definitely something to feel grateful for.

3 Minute Thank You is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.

Being the bigger person is hard.  Exercising self-control with challenging people doesn’t come naturally to most of us, which is why it can take extreme effort to hold ourselves back.  Why is is so hard to be the bigger person?  It may be tempting when dealing with people in unpleasant situations, such as ex-spouses, estranged relatives, cranky salespeople, or others, to fire right back at them. Temptation may be there to yell back at a yeller, to swear at a swearer, to throw something back at a thrower, to hit a hitter.  Email flame wars, name-calling contests, physical fights, world wars: all these retaliations come to mind when thinking about situations which can escalate that don’t have to.

Editor’s Note:  Nobody is perfect, let alone me.  I received an angry email and a hateful comment on this website, both only this morning!  Trust me, my first instinct was to fight back and give them a piece of my mind!  What good would that do me though?  It would probably hurt their feelings, and I’d be letting myself down because I know that’s not the right way to behave.  It was hard to restrain myself, but I did – and I wrote this article instead of starting 2 unnecessary flame wars!

Being the Bigger Person Isn’t Easy

We try to teach our kids to “be the bigger person” or to “turn the other cheek” when someone is unpleasant to them.  We tell them, “When Sam yells at you, don’t yell back.  If he wants to fight with you, don’t fight back.  If he calls you names, hold your tongue.”  It’s not just kids that have difficulty with this concept, because we adults struggle with it as well.

A big part of running your life and being happy is learning to deal with the emotions of people around you. Remember that the only thing you are ever in control of is yourself.  People react the way they do for a reason; reactions aren’t random or unfounded.  We never know about personal problems / issues / addictions a person may be dealing with, and perhaps them taking it out on you is just their lack of self-control at a given moment.  My friend, DeAnna, pointed out this great video that really puts things into perspective:

Being the bigger person by exercising self-control isn’t easy; it takes hard work and effort.  Is it the right thing to do?  Yes.  Is it easier to teach to our kids than to actually do?  Of course!  Controlling our feelings and, in turn, our actions can be very hard!  We have to become the master of our own actions and reactions and to be understanding and forgiving of others.  Most of all, we would do well to expect the best from ourselves and to make allowances for others when they try to do the same and fall short.

8 Ways That Make it Easier to Be the Bigger Person

Everyone has unique ways of dealing with people in challenging situations, and sometimes knowing how other people handle them can help us as well.  We asked respected individuals from a variety of fields (from sales to nursing to publishing to consulting) how they deal with angry or cranky people in challenging situations – what they do to be the bigger person.  Here are their 8 ways to be the bigger person:

1. DeAnna Cochran, metalsmith & artist from Jewelry for a Cause:  “Best way to deal with crankies…get their perspective and listen.  Your perspective may change.  People are not cranky for no reason.  We all have problems.” (Pictured at left.)

2.  Leigh Ann Hubbard, editor of My Family Doctor:  “I learned my best tip from my dad: Don’t respond & move on to something else. Hard to do but best for my mental health.”  (Pictured at left.)

3.   Beverly Davis from Sunday Cosmetics:  “My remedy for dealing with angry/crankies is to not argue with them. A soft answer truly turns away wrath.”  (Pictured at left.)

4.  Andrea W. from Chasing Goldilocks:  “Guilt them with kindness No sense in bringing yourself to their level, you might as well stay positive and enjoy life!”

5.  Cynthia Jones from Living – In Theory:  “Don’t validate the crankies’ or angries’ behaviors. Don’t be sucked in to their drama. Only brings you down…”  (Pictured at left.)

6. Chris Perrin, food writer from BlogWellDone: “I always keep in mind the long term. Blowing up now probably means losing down the road.”  (Pictured at left.)

7.  Anya Clowers, RN from Jet With Kids:  “I found the crabbiest & awful patients (hospital) were just usually scared and feeling out of control.  It is not only true with patients, but people in general. If they are crabby, unfair, rude, etc. they are not happy inside.  Something else is zapping their energy and leaving them only with a sour attitude.

“My husband (who is in sales) taught me that you just smile, smile, smile, and be nice – really nice. Love the day, find something about them you like and comment on it (haircut, clothes, etc.) It’s harder for people to keep being mean when he is nice. (Not annoying and fake – but genuine.) I noticed with my patients that listening was HUGE. But not focusing on their negative side is also important.

“I think the key to being the bigger person is not taking on the negative energy. Not allowing their crabbiness to enter your boundaries.  And finally – people react to the energy we bring to them. Check to make sure your energy is friendly!”

8.  Kay Greene, business owner from My Precious Kid:  “SMILE when responding. It will come across in your voice. Ask how you can fix the issue?”  (Pictured at left.)

Homemaker Barbi Says: Make a serious effort at being the bigger person and reap the benefits of feeling more happiness in your own emotions!

Video via YouTube courtesy of Sermon Spice.  Thank you judahben05! All quotes obtained and published by HB Media with permission of the interviewees. Photos are the property of their respective owners and published with permission.

Why Being the Bigger Person is Hard and 8 Ways that Help is an article from Home Ever After.
Copyright 2007-2009 HomeEverAfter.com by Danelle Ice/IS World Media. All rights reserved. Reproduction of content in this feed is prohibited.