It stars Kirk Cameron in a story about a couple who is ready to get divorced because life has caused them to grow apart.  The movie is broken up into 12 videos, which are all linked to below.

Has Fireproof changed your life?  Leave a comment below.

Fireproof Movie part 1 

Fireproof Movie part 2

Fireproof Movie part 3

Fireproof Movie part 4

Fireproof Movie part 5

Fireproof Movie part 6

Fireproof Movie part 7

Fireproof Movie part 8

Fireproof Movie part 9

Fireproof Movie part 10

Fireproof Movie part 11

Fireproof Movie part 12

If you haven’t already, shelve the chores and home projects for a few hours this weekend and plan to do something fun with your spouse.  Date nights don’t have to be expensive or take a lot of time, but they do wonders towards helping you build a strong and lasting marriage.  The time you share together without the kids is essential to keeping your relationship fresh and romantic!

Need some ideas for date nights with your spouse when you have limited money, limited time, or no babysitter?

When you have no time:  Quick dates with your spouse.

When you have no babysitter or budget: Romance on a budget.

Photo by cedarjunction.

How to Fight Fair With Your Spouse

Occasional arguments and fights are unavoidable in even the best relationships. Disagreements are perfectly acceptable and can be a healthy way of communicating with your spouse, provided they do not happen frequently and that they are done fairly. The manner in which you and your partner fight is crucial in maintaining a lasting, healthy marriage.

Fighting fair is crucial and if you do not know how to do so, it is time that you learn. The way you fight is much more crucial than what it is you are fighting about. Fighting fair can strengthen your marriage, resolve conflicts and heighten communication between a husband and wife.

The Problem with Bottling Up Frustration

If there is an issue that needs to be addressed, speak up. Don’t keep quiet about something that is upsetting you in hopes of avoiding an argument. This will only produce resentment on your part and allow the problem to compound.

Failing to address the situation will allow you anger to build up until you reach a boiling point. A minor conflict can erupt into an all about battle which will make things worse.

This is not to say that you should voice every little concern that you have. If it is a minor issue that you believe will be better off blowing over rather than discussing, then drop it. You have to choose your battles. The point is, if you can’t let it go, let it out.

If you are met with resistance with your spouse, it may be because he or she is taken off guard. Explain that it is something that needs to be discussed and set a future time sometime within the next 24 hours to discuss the situation. This will allow your partner the time to think about the situation at hand, how it was handled, if it could have been handled differently, and a possible resolution. At the very least, he/she will not be taken off guard and the two of you can enter into a discussion, or fight, on equal terms.

Fair Fighting Tactics

Stick to the Here and Now:  When a fight does occur, stick to the incident at hand and keep it between the two of you. Recalling past instances is unfair and will only cause the argument to escalate. If there was an issue in the past that has since been resolved, do not mention it. There is no need to open a can of worms that has already been sealed shut.

Leave Others Out of It:  Additionally, refrain from referring to other people as examples. Don’t involve anyone else whatsoever. Saying things like “Even your own mother thinks you’re being difficult” will put your partner on the defensive and is not a fair fighting tactic. You do not need to recruit people to your side or cite examples of how many people agree with your viewpoint. The argument is between you and your spouse and nobody else.

Don’t Call Names:  Never resort to name calling. Even terms of endearment can be hurtful when used sarcastically during a fight. Never under any circumstances laugh at your partner during an argument. Even if you are trying to use humor to calm the situation, it can come off as being insensitive to your spouse’s feeling while he/she is expressing their emotions. Avoid making accusations and pointing blame. This will only lead to hurt feelings and defensive behaviors. Start sentences with “I” rather than “you” to prevent the blame game.

Be a Good Listener:  When your spouse is giving his/her point of view, listen to what they have to say. Closing your mouth and opening your ears shows respect for what they have to say, and will make them feel compelled to offer you the same courtesy when you are voicing your concerns. Interrupting midsentence to counter what your spouse says will often lead to raised voices and competing tones, quickly escalating an argument into a screaming match.

When fighting with your spouse, keep in mind that you are fighting not to win, but to resolve. Don’t hold a grudge, do not yell and be open to what your partner has to say. Stay in control of your what you say and do. Voice your feelings appropriately and always fight fair.

How much money does your family need?

It’s a difficult question to answer, but it’s an important one. Bring up this topic with your spouse. Write down your expenses and additional needs for the year and predict the requirement for at least 3 years.

Check your current salaries and find out if you are currently making enough money or if you need to make more. Based on the answer to this question you will be in a better position to make a decision while making changes in your career.

Do you need to focus more on the family at this point in time?

If you have a small child or an ailing parent, you may have to change your current job to meet the family needs. First, check if you can manage your family needs by giving up some of the responsibilities of your current job. If it is not possible, look for options which offer part time or the ability to telecommute and work from home.

It also may be the case that it’s easier for your spouse to take a work from home option for a while, when you are making career decisions to cater to the family needs.

Get your priorities right.

The ideal priorities for the family for many of us are:

• Your first priority is your marriage. Always make career choices in consultation with your spouse.
• Your second priority is your children. Your children require your attention, and managing their care while making career choices is important.  Children are resilient, and will follow your lead as long as you keep a positive attitude toward the changes.
• Once you have managed the first two priorities, your third priority is your Job. You should do your job well and put the required amount of time, but let it not rule your life and eat into your first two priorities.
• You last priority is recreation, which can be taken up once your other priorities are well taken care of.

Involve your family in work related parties and outings and encourage your spouse to do the same. This one of the best ways to keep your family involved in your work.

Making career choices which work for the entire family is a big challenge. Don’t be heartbroken if you need to take a step back in your career as a sacrifice for your family.  Remember your priorities will change over time and there is no other happiness than leading a happy and content family life.

Family Friday: Time to Share!

Now it’s time for you to share your Family Friday post with the rest of us!  If you’re not sure how it works, read the directions and guidelines for Family Friday here.

Please add your family-related blog post below in the Mr. Linky. Remember, you MUST link your post back to HomeEverAfter.com. (If your link was deleted, email us.)

Marriage changes your life just as much as you want it to change. Getting used to creating a life with your new spouse can be quite an adjustment for any newlywed.  It’s normal for it to take time to learn the ways and means of sharing your life with another person. Here are some tips that will help you ease into new married life.

Conflict Management. Conflicts are a normal part of married life, especially for newlyweds.  When people plan to share their lives which- up to that point – they’ve made decisions for alone, differences in some topics are bound to be there.  However, it is important to come up with a strategy to deal with conflicts. 

Your spouse may like to hang on to the conflict for hours or days until he is ready to talk about it. If you like conflicts to be resolved immediately, then you might tend to become impatient. Time sometimes is the best healer for conflicts, so give it time to learn how you can both work through your differences together.  Learning to compromise will come with time and experience.

Building Trust. Trust is the most essential element required between the two of you. Maintaining your relationship amidst the daily routines, stress at work, additional responsibilities, and managing a new relationship is a tough task. Be honest and respect each other’s time and work schedules. Support each other in difficult situations rather than arguing about landing into the situation in the first place. It’s the trust of each other which will strengthen your marriage for the long haul. 

Keep the romance alive. Romance was the only thing on your mind when you were dating your spouse, but now that  you’re married, it may have taken a back seat. It is a common phenomenon among newly married people to get so busy with handling the new responsibilities of marriage and adjusting to their new life with their spouse that the steamy romance which attracted you together has suddenly disappeared. Take time off regularly for long cozy nights together to enjoy a healthy married life.

Managing finances. Finances can be a major cause of conflicts among newlyweds. If one of the partners is very frugal and the other spends money freely, differences are bound to come. You need to plan your finances together now that you are married.

Having a common account for household expenses and personal accounts for other expenses is an ideal solution for some couples. Calculate monthly, vacation and other expenses for the year and set budgets for each of the items. If either of you are exceeding the budget, give a gentle reminder about the budgets you decided on together. 

Life insurance and investment plans need to be addressed to cover your new responsibilities.  Also, if you are thinking of having a child, or you realize one of your parents is ailing and may require additional support, it’s a good idea to discuss and start working on your financial plans.

Apart from the major points mentioned above, communication is the key to a happy married life. Don’t give your new spouse unnecessary surprises, be straightforward and honest always, and enjoy embarking on this new phase of your life together!

Wedding photo by hellolapomme.

Family Friday: Time to Share!

Now it’s time for you to share your Family Friday post with the rest of us!  If you’re not sure how it works, read the directions and guidelines for Family Friday here.

Please link up your family-related blog post below in the Mr. Linky, link your post back to HomeEverAfter.com, and go visit some bloggy friends!

Let’s Hear it For Frugal Husbands! …and frugal wives.  Oh, let’s not forget  frugal domestic partners.  And frugal fiances and fiancees.  And frugal boyfriends and frugal girlfriends.  While we’re at it, frugal children, frugal relatives, frugal babysitters and frugal roommates.  Hope we covered everyone; I don’t want to leave anybody out!

The point is, having the support people in our lives understand and get on board with our frugal movement is key.  It makes everything easier to have the same thinking about spending less and saving more with your spouse (or other support person).  Frugal supporters work for me, and so here is my shout-out to my Frugal Husband.

My Husband: The Frugal Heckler

Today I’d like to thank my husband, who is my dedicated partner in our frugal lifestyle.  I jokingly call him the Frugal Heckler sometimes because he likes to make fun of the extent of my frugality.  He calls me out on some of my goofiest ideas and most far-fetched frugal flops when necessary!  However, he spots great deals, keeps his eyes open for newsworthy information for the Homemaker Barbi readers, and shares my passion wholeheartedly for living a frugal life.  I’ve told you all before that he jokes about me reusing milk jugs for so many things, calling our house The House That Milk Jugs Built.  He’s quite a comedian and when I read about the message Amy’s husband sent her, I had to laugh since it reminded me of my own husband!  Do you have Frugal Husbands or Frugal Hecklers?  We’d love to hear your stories!

While sometimes my husband is a Frugal Heckler, mostly he’s the best Frugal Husband a frugal Homemaker Barbi could ask for!

“Dear Michael,

To my wonderful Frugal Husband, my lover, my best friend, my partner in everything: I love you!  I hope I tell you enough just how much I appreciate everything you do and all of your support for our frugal living.  Thank you for being my Frugal Heckler and keeping me on my toes, but mostly thank you for your support in building our life into what we want it to become.

Love, your frugal Homemaker Barbi”

Check out more Works for Me Wednesday at Rocks in my Dryer.

The important thing to remember is that your marriage is not about children, it is about the two of you! Marriage and family are two independent things that just happen to go together. Your family includes your children, and it needs a strong center. Mom and Dad are the center of the family, the strong core, the anchor. However, if you don’t have a strong marriage, or relationship between husband and wife, you cannot and will not have a strong family. Period. If your children don’t see a center to their family that is love and romance and understanding and shared mission, the way they view family will change. They will see two separate parents who fill two separate functions and are like employees in a business, each performing their own jobs, not a strong unit working towards a common goal.

Remember that you and your husband made these children out of the power of your love for each other! You have children because of your love, your connection, your marriage, and that marriage is the most important part of your family. Therefore, you must remember to have your own time and activities as a couple, apart from your children, to keep that love alive!

We’re always reading in magazines the advice to hire a babysitter once a week, to have a regular date night, to spend time together. Many parents know deep down that they should, but it falls to the bottom of the priority list. There are things to do which are more pressing, urgent, and time-sensitive. There are the times when you are finally alone and all you want to do is sleep. Some days the stress of the day means romance is far from your mind! Then there are those of us who counter that hiring a babysitter is just not in the budget for legitimate financial reasons. For couples who work opposite schedules to eliminate day care, finding time together can be difficult.

How Can You Find the Time for Quick Dates?

We all want strong marriages and deep connection with our spouses, but with all the possible obstacles, how can we make  it work? How do you find time for dates when the time, money, or privacy are not there?

My husband and I sneak in dates that no one else would consider a date. Sometimes when the kids are asleep at night, we’ll take a 2 minute walk down to the garage to get the laundry together. Of course, it only really takes one of us to do the chore! However, going for a little walk together, holding hands, without the kids, allows us to connect with each other at the end of the day. We walk out to the mailbox together (it is 63 steps there, and 63 steps back) and stand outside for a little chat while the kids are snoozing. After dropping off our daughter at Tae Kwon Do, we once took a drive to the gas station together (baby asleep in the back). Not a very glamorous date, I’ll admit, but we could talk about our day without having distractions or chores to do or other things coming up that were “urgent”.

So our dates have been downgraded to laundry, checking the mail, and getting fuel?! No! Occasionally we have a traditional “date” where the kids have a babysitter and we go do some activity. Nevertheless, the little dates- the quick 5 minute dates that we sneak into our daily lives – allow us to keep our connection strong on a regular basis. They allow us to be together without the kids, to hold hands or hug or sit on the stairs right outside our front door and just drink a cup of coffee. Quick dates don’t kill the budget, don’t take a lot of time, and don’t take lots of planning. Start looking for opportunities for quick dates in your day, and you’ll start to see them popping up all over!

Some ideas: Getting the laundry, getting the mail, taking out the trash, dropping/picking up kids, at the park, early bedtime for the grownups, hide in the pantry for a quick smooch after a long day, make a meal together, get up 15 minutes before the kids and have coffee together. The possibilities are endless!

Homemaker Barbi Says: Sneak in quick dates as often as possible to keep your relationship strong!

Couple photo courtesy of stock.xchng.

Strengthening Your Marriage Through Acts of Service

If you look back at socio-economic stereotypes of women as wives throughout the 1900s, we see distinct shifts in the viewpoints of our society as a whole. The early 1900s show us women who were little more than property, disenfranchised, and valued little. Look forward to the 1950s and early 60s and see wives who are tethered to their home, their housework, their husbands and their children. The 1970s brought women’s’ liberation, the fight for equality, and the 80s ushered women out of their suburban homes and into the workplace. Fast forward to the millennium, and now in 2008, it is more common to see a woman going to work while her children stay in childcare. My, how the norms have changed in a mere 100 years!

So let’s focus on the stereotype of the housewife from the 1960s. She kept an immaculate house, raised the children, did the errands, and hosted stunning parties! But most memorably, she served and waited on her husband. In the 1970s, these very ideas of women and service became reviled. The thinking was that to serve someone meant you were less than them, beneath them. If you told your women’s’ group that you brought your husband his slippers when he got home from work, you’d be ridiculed and reminded that we women are equal to men!

So what is the deal with serving in a marriage? Is doing nice things for your spouse wrong? Does it mean that you are their servant or slave, that you are beneath them? Is it belittling for a woman to show her love through doing nice things? Of course not!

Yes, I bring my husband his slippers when he gets home from work! I have a warm cup of tea and a hot dinner ready for him when he walks in the door. Why? Because he just walked 2.6 miles home from work in the middle of winter! He’s cold! He’s tired! And he goes to work every day to support his family so that I can stay home and raise the children! He appreciates it; I know because he tells me so. Do people give me a hard time about it? You bet.

What prompts me to do these nice things? I think of his needs and wants. That’s not so unusual when you think about it. Does it mean I’m not a liberated woman who can take care of myself? No. Does it mean I’m a servant to my husband? No. I do nice things for my husband, for my children, for my relatives, and for my friends. Doing nice things for people is a way of letting them know you like them and appreciate them.

I remember my husband rubbing my feet and my back when I was pregnant, even after he worked a long, hard day too. My husband lets me sleep in late on the weekends and he gets up at 7am with the baby, even though he’s gotten up early every morning during the week. My husband makes me breakfast in bed for no reason. He sends me text messages during the day telling me he loves me. He offers to carry the laundry baskets up the stairs for me, and closes my car door for me. Does it mean he’s being subservient when he does these nice things for me? No way!

According to his book, “The Five Love Languages,” Gary Chapman, a Christian counselor, lists “Acts of Service” as one of the five fundamental ways people show love or feel loved. Everyone has different ways to show or feel love; most people have combinations of several of the love languages. It really is a great book, and it teaches new ways to connect with not only your spouse, but your children as well.

Giving to people through acts of service is one of the greatest gifts we can give. It’s not like buying them a thing, but it is us giving of ourselves: our time, our effort, and our thought.

The strength of a marriage can indeed be measured in how important the needs of each spouse are to the other. Becoming one with someone else means you think of their needs as if they are your own, you treat them the way you want to be treated, and you show them love just as you would love your own self.

So yes, I bring my husband his slippers, and I am proud! He brings me coffee and I love it! My husband and I have a fantastic and strong marriage because we both think of the other’s needs, and are not afraid to do nice things to show our appreciation constantly. Showing someone that you cherish them should never make you feel embarrassed or ashamed of what other people will think. If people were more willing to do nice things for each other, perhaps the values of our society would be different than they are, and the world would be a more pleasant place, to be sure!

Do something nice for your husband today that lets him know you cherish and appreciate him (and don’t be surprised if he does the same)!

Thanks to MorgueFile for the photo!